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Damn! There has to be something!Craig looked around the room in a panic. The bathroom would hide hisactual features only for so long. He decided a new question to see if hecould stay in the bathroom whilst the real Diana was repairing his suit."How long will it take?" the fake Diana asked."It should take an hour, maybe two depending on what I find," the fakeCraig replied, concern on his face for the person that he thought wasCecil.I can't stay in the bathroom for two whole hours! Maybe I can justescape out the window."Oh I see." The fake Diana couldn't hide her disappointment."You could wear Roxy if you want?" The fake Craig told the fake Diana.He had never heard of Roxy, but obviously Cecil should know who Roxywas. He had to sound confident in his reply."That would be brilliant." Craig was relieved that he had found apotential way out of the situation, yet he had no idea who or what Roxywas. It was another suit no doubt, but it sounded like Cecil had priorknowledge, which Craig. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really.
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