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The first one’s cover reading 1973-78 in grandmas writing. My eyes widen as I scatter through them. They don’t seem to be in any order. Around half way something catches my eye, a book with the title “2014-2020”. Staring at the book for a moment I pick it up and tuck it under my shirt, held up in the waistband of my trouser pants. “if grandma knew anything it must be in here!” I exclaim in a silent whisper, making my way up the stairs back to my spare bedroom.Freya Pov“are you sure? Like really really sure?” I had to ask the question of course. The dirty shoes didn’t look great of course but he could have been anywhere with them. “there were footprints outside the barn, matches these.” My grandfather replies calmly now. He taps the bed beside him, and I take a seat, still only dressed in my towel. As I take my seat, he places his strong hand on the inside of my thigh, squeezing softly. “he cant tell anyone Freya, you know what people will say, they’ll think im a monster” his words. One foot down and then the other, gingerly as an elderly woman with a bad hip. Not just the prying cold but my modesty at stake: commuters headed upstairs from below could, from a certain angle, catch a furtive glimpse of my womanhood. A risk I endure but can never embrace-the "inadvertent" threat of exhibitionism. Constantly. What I'd give to get back to normal: flat shoes, conservative pantsuit, and most of all some warm cotton panties. Just a day-one single day- where I didn't have to struggle with the ?secret? between my legs. Even a whisper of pubic hair, a single strand- just something less than bare down there. Less exposed. Less degraded. To feel like a free woman again, if only for a moment. Of not having to worry every time I dropped keys or cell phone, bending over with bare ass exposed. Or sitting on a barstool and forgetting-sometimes too late-to cross my spread legs. You take your panties for granted, until they're taken away.I'd been shaved earlier that morning, his.
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