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Now, with the New Year and as time passed, he wonders will she ever feel a small surge of wanting and needing to call him to fix things, and will and/or would she call him? Would she ever make that supreme and needed first jesture? And if it wasn’t too late, could she find her way back to him in a year or even sooner? It all depends upon a lot of ‘ifs’. Does she want to, or is it as he had come to realize, that he was just ‘something is better than nothing’, and as she so gleefully delighted in informing him, she had already found a new ‘something’ or maybe this new something was already and always her ‘lt’, and she just couldn’t and didn’t see any reason to say anything that might stop him from finally letting go and no longer pursuing her, it’s always good to keep her options open. Who knows what will happen in their time apart. You loose touch with each other. You have no idea what the other is experiencing, thinking, feeling. In time, it becomes too much and you drift apart.. But the babies, I would miss them. Oh my, I would indeed miss them. But I could not be around the cheaters not on any level. And a cripple and ugly: the kids would distance themselves from me in the end without the two of them even having to try to keep me at arm’s length. No, the children were lost to me too.The man had money. I could envision the possibility that she would be trying to hunt me down when she found out that I hadn’t signed the divorce papers. I’d made up my mind about that; no contact that was the ticket. I would just disappear from the radar. I’d have my disability and my freedom for whatever the hell those would be worth.My dad was the only one I could envision making any time for. I’d eventually need to let him know that I was okay, well, alive but that I would be moving on and far away. I didn’t know where at this point in time. But far enough that they couldn’t just come by and harass me. She could get her divorce anyway; I was certain of that. Abandonment would.
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