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”“My missus dumped me ‘cos she says I’m too obsessed with football,” said the first fella.“How long have you been with her?” asked the second fella.“Six seasons.”A young Scotsman leaves home and moves to New York. After six months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. “Horrible,” he says. “They’re always yelling and screaming. I hate how they constantly pound on the walls and stomp the floors.”“How do you get by?” she asks.“I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes,” says the Scot.A man is on trial for cannibalism. He proclaims to the judge, “Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.”I rang work and said, “I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”The boss replied, “You have a wee cough?”I said, “Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!”A fly is minding his own business when a gnat lands on its back. Bemused, the fly says, “Is there a gnat on my back?”The gnat says, “Gnat at all.”“That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard,” says the. I ended up going to a party with Hailey on Friday while Molly went out with this guy. Do you remember Bobby Prohl?”“Bobby Prohl did not leave a girl on the side of the road!” Beth said. “His father works for us.”“Well, no he didn’t,” Phil said. “But just because someone works for us doesn’t mean his kids aren’t assholes. Remember, Hannah worked for us, too.”“Point taken,” Beth conceded. “So how did Bobby enter into the story?”“I ran into him at the party,” Phil explained. “He’s on the baseball team here. He wanted me to try out.”“Will you?” Beth asked. She had wondered why Phil had given up the sport when he went to college. She thought he was good enough to play and he had offers from a few smaller schools to play for them.“No,” Phil said. “As I told Bob, that part of my life is over.”“Well, I think you should,” Beth interrupted. “I know you want to rush through college and get out in two-and-a-half years. I think you should stay and enjoy it. Philip, I’ve never really told you this.
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