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He refused all my advances anywhere near it. We simply didn’t make love anymore.I loved it. I hated it. There was an honesty to his use of me. I didn’t feel any need to statisfy him or to perform for him, either. He used me. I let him. I enjoyed it too: participating passively in my own humiliating use. Matthew seemed to get off on being particularly careless of my pleasure or ego. There was some tortured emotional satisfaction for him, I could see. The kind of smug satisfaction you get seeing your high school bully brought low. I hoped he would work through whatever it was so we could repair our lives instead of rutting like wild animals.“We can’t go on like this,” I said one night over another silent dinner. He looked at me incredulously. “We have to…”I jumped as his hand slammed down on the table. When the silverware stopped ringing, he said, “I already said what I want to say. Leave if you want. If you want to talk, talk about anything but that.”“I miss you,” I said, choking back. It's about like watching a porno movie but in person. Two women about our age seem to be taking on all comers."Just watching them, Marge laughed that she never seen so many cocks in her whole life. I have to admit watching the people on the couch has got my juices flowing. I was kidding with Marge and asked her if she wanted a turn on the couch."She told me, 'I could never do that in public but I'm about ready to take one of these nicer men back to that room and do something in private'. So I guess she is getting horny."I was able to see Marge on the dance floor from a distance. Why was it even bothering me to see her dancing with another man? Surely I wasn't jealous. That's when I set out with a plan. "Gloria, I need you to do me a huge favor."When I told her the plan she called me insane. She said Marge would never speak to her again. She said she had to get back to the table. Just as she was leaving she looked back and said, "I'll do it, as much for Marge as for you."I stayed back.
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