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“You look beautiful,” I said as I grabbed my sport coat and tie. Mom looked my way and her eyes darted down and then back up. I knew I had worried her displaying an erection so prominently at the pool deck.“I’ll be just a minute,” I said as I started working with the tie. Mom walked up to me, “let me help you Larry,” she said and her fingers brushed against my neck as she fussed with the tie. Her perfume filled my head, I recognized it as one my last girlfriend would wear and I tried to put that woman out of my head. She had the most seductive way about her and I didn’t want my mind filled with thoughts of the sex we had shared.“You look so much like your Dad,” Mom said as she turned my collar down.“Do you worry that I will turn out like him?” I asked.“No dear, neither of us knew your mother but what I see in you other than looking like your Dad is something entirely different in you manner.” She said as I pulled on my jacket, “I would think you got your personality from your. I've been expecting this to happen and . . . well, cool guys aren't supposed to say these kind of things to a lady, and if you ever repeat this, you'll ruin my reputation, but . . . the truth is, I've really been looking forward to this and . . . I just want to hear you say 'yes.'" So . . . all I have to do to make you happy today is say 'yes?'" she asked. "Yes, ma'am. I'm really a simple guy and that's all it takes to make me happy today." Okay, here it is," she said. "Yes. Pick me up at 7:00 pm, and . . . this is my first date in f******n years, so please don't take me to McDonalds for dinner." No, ma'am. No Golden Arches for you," I promised.Friday, May 25, 2007Sometimes, when I have a first date with a woman, I don't get particularly excited about it. I've had enough experience to feel comfortable with dating and all of the rituals that traditional guys go through in the courting process, but sometimes it just isn't fun. And, sometimes, I just don't have very high expectations.
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