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Back to my question, what do you want to know?"I grinned. "If you met the requirements, I know a lot about you already but don't know how you arrived where you are in life. I wouldn't guess there are many women with doctorates in physics in the world. I would bet that the beautiful, younger ones are even rarer."She chuckled. "Thanks for the compliment. I think I have held up pretty well. You know I'm between thirty-five and forty-five. To be specific, it's thirty-eight. I was married for a year when I graduated from college. We were young and it worked for a while until he wanted to pursue a doctorate and was accepted to a college in Colorado. I was at the University of Florida and in the middle of my master's program. We realized that we cared more for our academic careers than for each other. We had no property and no fault divorced. Since then, it's been lonely but busy. I thought it would be better after my doctorate but two things get in the way. One is 'publish or perish.' The. Brian was dead. I died as Brian too many times to even try to count.David was dead. I died as David only once, but it was a very dead kind of dead.John Gray was dead...All the people I'd ever been were all dead...I was dead...Really Truly Dead...R.T.D...For a long time I knew I was dead, and then I realized that this thing that I was - wasn't death!I knew I wasn't alive, but I also knew I wasn't dead...All this dying was killing me!How can one be dead, but not dead? That was a tough question to work through, especially in my dead state, which seemed quite dead, even though I was not quite totally dead. The conundrum returned. Each time I died, I wasn't dead. My deadness was quite live, but my alive-ness wasn't all that alive.So there I was, with all this dead-i-tivity, surrounded by a lot of nothing, in nowhere, contemplating all the dead people I went through in my lives. Just cataloging how dead I used to be was exhausting. If I had a head it would have hurt from the strain of all.
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