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He scooped up his clothes and ran off. I was there alone with Mr. Williams. Worst of all I was completely naked and covered with Bobby’s semen.None of the kids liked Mr. Williams. Not many of the older folks cared for him either. He was kind of an outlaw. He had been in trouble many times with the law. His two sons who went to school with me were also very bad boys.“What would your dad think about this, Molly?”Oh my God. He wouldn’t tell my dad about what he had seen. My dad was a good man but he had a mean side to him. If my brothers or I did something bad we would feel his belt on our asses. It wasn’t too bad unless he was drinking. At those times he would tend to hit us even harder. I had a few welts to hide after one of his beatings.“Please don’t tell my dad, Mr. Williams. He would be very mad if he knew.”“Stand out away from the rock, Molly.”Slowly I moved away from the rock. He stared at me from head to toe. I felt so dirty being on display for this creepy old man. I could see. I needed something in my hands. So I had got intojournalism at school. I found I was more confident talking to girls atschool behind the mask of being a journalist.I remember hearing Morrissey sing "I am the son and the heir of ashyness that is criminally vulgar, I am the son and the heir of nothing,nothing in particular" and thinking he wrote this song just about me. Ihated my shyness around girls. I wanted to be "normal" and have agirlfriend like the other boys at school.I did quite well at school, without the distraction of having agirlfriend and got onto the journalism course I wanted to at university.I became a Christian whilst I was at university as I had started to askmyself questions about the meaning of life which only the Christians Iwas talking to seemed to have any answers for but I felt out of placeand alone whenever I went to meetings of the Christian union. I wasconscious that I was somehow different. I was reminded of Gandhi whosaid something about how he loved.
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