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He was wearing a fluffy robe, just as I was, but it was unsashed and flared open. What I could see revealed was hard-bodied, tanned flesh. He was twice my age, but probably fifteen years younger than the baron, the man regularly covering me, and probably twenty-five years younger than Senhor Nuncio, who my stepfather was giving me to.To me, Miguel was a young man. His body was magnificent. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on him. He had the sleekness and tight musculature of a man who was a bullfighter. There were scars from encounters with the bulls, as well, but that only added to the mystery and sexiness of him. When he’d seen that I had noticed him and hadn’t bolted from the bench in front of the dressing table, he put his hands on my shoulders and leaned down and kissed me in the hollow of my neck.I gave him no resistance, only sighing. I’m sure that told him I would let him fuck me.“You left us early this evening,” he murmured.“I understood you would be leaving—to celebrate with. In layman's terms, abuse victims can reach a point where their 'spirit' can never be mended enough to enjoy life. It was a survival act for him to flee from me, so that suggested he still had some spirit, but to avoid more damage he would always have to be suspicious of my motives and if we had any relationship at all, he would always have to guess whether he could tolerate the pain I might cause him. There could be no bridge back to the friendship we once had. That option was what I destroyed by stupidly toying with him until trust became poison.I did not want this on my conscience but, like a physical maiming, it was permanent. I learned from my textbook that I had possibly killed his ability to ever trust any woman, because his sex drive was now a known vector for abuse. Abuse victims learn not to trust those who wield the power that their abusers wielded. This, more than anything else, was a harm that I did not want to inflict on him. It was also possibly the only thing that only.
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