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.until the past two years...once I finally got on my own."She put her hand on mine and squeezed. "What about your parents...I mean,your foster parents? Don't they know?" she asked.I shook my head. "No. They....we don't talk much...anymore." Whooo....that's heavy," she said and was silent for a few moments.She took another sip of her wine and asked, "Have, or are you talking toanyone about all this? Any sort of counseling?"I nodded. "I go twice a month. Because I was a 'ward of the state',they pay counseling fees until I am 25." And, how much do you tell your counselor?" she asked. "Do they knowthat you are trans? Do you talk about that with them?"I nodded. "Yea..."She nodded back "Good. What are they telling you to do?"I looked at the ceiling and sighed. "They...she...is telling me that Ishould explore it...come to 'grips with it'...stop...what she calls the 'hide,deny, and repress' mentality that I learned under foster care."Sarah nodded again and gestured. "Yea, looking. ”I wanted to keep scowling at him, I mean, he was being a dick: totally patronizing, condescending, just being a complete Brian. But at the same time, my heart was leaping. Cute. He used the word cute. Okay maybe not leaping, maybe flip flopping? I dunno, it was confusing. Angering cause I didn’t want to be cute, I wanted to be more than cute. I really didn’t want to be tiny cute non-threatening lil’ sis. I fumed. Finally I found words, “I’m going to do it. I’m going to run a mile, you’ll see.” Lame, I know, but it felt strong at the time.He just smiled, nodded, and patted me on the shoulder.I got home and stripped out of my school clothes. I wish I had real athletic wear like they have on TV, then I could have put on a sports bra and spandex shorts, like those Victoria’s Secret models wear in their athletic line. I had to settle for another t-shirt and short shorts. I didn’t even have a sports bra at all. I guess I could have gone without, I don’t expect to be banging myself in the.
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