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But I didn’t agree.I certainly didn’t feel like a good man and this little speech hadn’t convinced me otherwise. There was nothing about my life that another should envy, especially not a pastor. I don’t have a heart of gold like Benny, nor nerves of steel like Jimmy and I don’t perform good acts unless they benefit my own situation. I only saved Paul because it was my job and only treat the men charitably hoping they’d work hard for me in return.It wasn’t out of kindness but rather for an ease of existence.This man had some fucking nerve to call me a good man? And to claim it’s all part of God’s plan ... well that’s a hard pill to swallow.I still didn’t know what to do or how to respond, not sure if anyone did. For each of us avoided eye contact and stared mindlessly at the flames, like a bunch of dumb fucks. The awkward silence lasted too long.“Y’all get enough to eat?”Clydefinally thought to ask holding a wooden spoon in one hand and his large cast iron pot under the other. He. Relax and get your strength back. You and your family need to pick a whole new back story for you, and then you have to memorize every detail like you really lived it. We can help, and I bet with your smarts you'll do fine, but it has to be done, and soon." He had a point, and I didn't need to air any dirty laundry in front of the strangers here."Mr. Bell," I said. "Can you and Colleen guide me in how to invent a whole new me? Do you know who to call, what to ask, what I'll need, and how to get it all?"At least if I have a new identity, I can move about and start to repay you all for the damage I've caused."I hate what they did to you, and I know it's all my fault. I hate it, and I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you all. I promise. Somehow, someway, I will fix this all. You've got my word."I was starting to feel tired, and Rebecca noticed it first. She shooed everyone out and forced me back to bed. At least she crawled in beside me, after I was settled, and we talked."Miss.
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