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Itwas better still if I could make myself look like them. It helpedthat my face and manners were somewhat effeminate naturally -- I'dimagine they were even more so, and I'd practice making them more so.I tried lipstick, then eyeliner and eye shadow, then after readingsome fashion magazines I began using foundation and powder and blushand gradually everything else women use to make themselves beautiful.One summer I even grew my hair long and then curled it, until mysister mockingly asked me if I felt like double-dating with her andtwo guys she knew. The next day I got a buzz cut. But a week later awig. Once my face was done up to look lovely, I'd borrow a pair of mymother's heels, maybe also of my sister's pantyhose, and whenever Icould I'd spend exalted afternoons wandering our empty house dressedas my sister did sometimes, in just a bra and panties and littleelse, until my mother eventually noticed and ordered her to go put onsomething decent. I tried a wide range of girls' clothes. I could see my fear reflected back to me, but she smiled, squeezed my hand and told me that this is what she deserved for marrying a man a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier. We laughed far harder than this weak jest merited. I love this scar. It speaks to me of that special courage of women, and of the particular courage of one woman. It was narrow and pink at first, but gradually faded to a shade just a bit lighter than her natural skin tone. Originally, there was a zone of numbness around it, about an inch wide, but as time went on, that zone narrowed, and now, only the scar itself is still insensitive. Still, I kiss it anytime I am in the vicinity, as it speaks to me of her strength, and what a mother undertakes for her children. My wife has scars and bruises all over her legs. She is the mother of three boys, and with that comes football, baseball, soccer, and Boy Scouts. She was a swimmer herself, and could not have cared less about these kinds of things, but she made herself.
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