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I?ve had it since I was a kid so I?m pretty used to it now.? Ever since puberty, it seems, there was some plastic or metal hanging between my legs. Early high school was the worst because it seemed the crotch snake would puff up to strike at anything but controlling erections got easier with age.I could tell that she wanted to know more, but she held back for a second, perhaps picking up on my discomfort. After a bit she asked, ?So what?s your major???Oh, that old question. Everyone asks that. I?m a Lit major,? I lied again.?Really? I?m a Lit major,? she said, excited. ?Who do you have for Theory??I considered for a moment making up a name but instead told the truth. ?I?m actually a Men?s Studies major with a focus on Literature.? My voice cracked on the first syllable. She rolled her eyes briefly and turned to face the room.?What?? I demanded.?Nothing,? she said unsmiling. ?What?s the world going to do with another Men?s Studies major???Ha,? I said, unlaughing. ?I bet you never hear. Then it would quickly become a competition to one-up each other about how awful their husbands were and how badly they screwed things up.Each story would be interrupted by screeches of laughter at a mean comment that one of them would chip in, and the mood would seem to get even nastier as each new raconteur took up a tale.Thank god for children, as it was usually they who would interrupt the group’s toxic conversation – kids complaining about each other, crying over a fall or scrape, or whining for something to put in their mouths. Hey, I’m not moaning about the kids, they were just doing what all kids do.I know now that this not an unusual state of affairs when women get together. Hell, even I think that quite a few husbands are absolute arseholes who don’t deserve the wife they have. So the conversations are a way of lowering tension in the women and allowing them to vent in a passive-aggressive way which they can blow off as ‘just having a laugh’.But the first time I heard it.
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